You Could Try and Retreive Your Ball from Our Garden, But

by Luke Samuel Yates

the gate’s covered
by several highly trained marksmen. One is hiding
in the water-butt. The others could be

There are landmines under half of the paving stones
and the others are patrolled from 200m up

by my pet birdies
you can’t miss them
they’re the ones with spiked collars
serrated beaks
and a wingspan of twelve feet.

You could try the fence
and if you do, mind the remarkably
high voltage electric wires
and be careful not to snag your jumper
on the dozens of razor-sharp flick-knives
that are cunningly concealed
within the woodwork.

Once in the garden, please try your very best not
to feed any giraffic rabid rats that you may encounter,

be sure to dodge all the six-foot
invisible computer-directed poison-darts
that come at you,
be careful not to breathe too much.