My first job was as a basement

by Michael Saunderson

My first job was as a basement. I enjoyed
the freedom of my own space, but the landlord
often kept me in the dark and I tired
of carrying the whole edifice on my shoulders.

I moved upstairs for a while and took an interim
role as a dining room. This helped me polish
my presentation skills. The social side bored
me and I don’t miss working every evening.

I thought I’d like to work outdoors for a while,
so I trained as a pylon repair harness. It was
exhilarating on the five star zip wires until one
morning I became my own cooked breakfast.

After that I wanted to try something more creative.
I experimented with sculpture as a street-cleaning cart,
making words from discarded chocolate wrappers
until I was let go for running into a double decker.

I’m really looking for a new challenge; something
that will keep me in bed in the morning. You wouldn’t
believe how lonely it is standing around on dark
street corners from midnight until six every day.

I think working with people is my greatest strength.
When I started as a ticket machine customer intimacy
was my watchword. Then constant finger pointing
wore me down and it wasn’t just the tickets I punched.

The principle of lifelong learning is important to me.
I studied for a degree in Loft Conversion at the University
of Middle Age. The academic side was fine, but I’ve put
on weight recently and I struggled with site visits.

Debts? I’ve had a few. That’s how it is for students
these days. Every Wednesday in term time I worked
part time as a plumber’s wrench. Being a voyeur
of under-sink cabinets was very inspiring.

No questions from me. I was nervous when I heard
it was a panel interview, but now we’ve discussed
it I think my unique combination of skills and experience
make me perfect for the role of builders yard fence.