Hi, Mum, I’m sorry that I missed the plane.

 How far is Heathrow, then, from John O’Groats?

 When next you come to meet me, take a train.

 

 I came here to observe the two-toed sloths.

 I gave that up. The species is extinct.

 (Since sloths could not be bothered using both,

 

they’ve all evolved to one-toed sloths, I think). 

I should have told you this, but never wrote.

I had no stamps. My pen ran out of ink.

 

Planes don’t pick up our mail, just leaky boats.

I’ve a bottle ready for this letter.

I’ll toss it in the sea. I hope it floats.

        

If I wait till spring, the current’s better.

I mention ‘spring’.  I need to make this clear:

(don’t tell Dad while he’s driving. Wait till later).

 

I can’t face coming home. I’m staying here.

My Gap Year’s for a lifetime, not a year!