OK OK OK listen. You mincepied? You roastpotatoed? You goosefatted?

You burping in public? No worries, no worries, come, come and see

what we have here. We have Lycra, pink, green, leopard-print,

and pumping pumping muzak (top 40 type, you’ll recognise),

gym membership, yoga mat, swimming costume, Lucozade coupons

et cetera now: listen: carefully: you start and you do not

stop you do not stop look LOOK at her, she did not stop

now look at her bouncy hair and happy children

and the sunlight. No worries, come, come.

If you got the money buy berries, porridge, bulgur wheat,

this exotic polysyllabic lettuce that actually consumes fat inside you

or if not, percentages, 3%, 1%, 0%, or traffic light colours.

Sooper-dooper. Nothing you couldn’t work out with a piece of paper

and a brain and some time but never mind this is prettier.

This is Comic Sans. This is louder. Come, come.

OK OK OK go. We have our cake. See you next year.