I.
‘Go crazy,’ he begs me, unfolds me –
the arch, the heel, the tip of my foot;
I’d crack if I could.
plié, relevé
One, two, three, four –
I lost count
of days, of years,
ronde-des-jambs
of how many times
I had my heart muscle stretched too far.
‘Open up,’ he shouts,
fouetté, pirouette
‘your chest, your light,
let the walls tumble down
as you forget who you are.’
glissade, assemblé
I can try
but a girl like me cannot shine
without blinding everyone.
II.
‘Go crazy,’ he makes me
strip off my layers, a painful task:
if one cannot break a body,
jeté, battement
surely one can break the mind
until all you are is a hostage
to your fractured heart.
arabesque, attitude
‘Just breathe;
don’t fake it,
make it real.’
á la second, soutenir
I kick, I scream;
I stay silent, swollen with words
I chose to eat.
tendu, cou-de-pied
‘Go crazy,’ he breaks me,
takes me apart: my crumbling
shoulders, my aching arms.
turn out, turn in
Spinning in circles,
swallowing my guilt,
under the rug I sweep my sins.
en dehors, en dedans
‘Until you forget who you are.’
Forgive them, yes, I think I might
as he straightens me out,
pas de bourré, tombé, valse
puts me back together now:
wings, ribbons,
no glue, no cast.