About me

by Rowan Lyster

My Hinge bio says travel photographer / amateur barista / debut forthcoming from a publisher you
haven’t heard of / anticapitalist pop-up shop founder / found my latest calling / when my
Hollywood career stalled / sordid story / identity theft / I try not to talk about that these days

faked my own death to get out of the BBC licence fee / read my own eulogy / decades with Médecins
Sans Frontières / Best Newcomer at the Fringe five years running / countless lovers / luminaries of the
contemporary art world / always the one that got away / unsung basis of every portrait since 2003

at the wake / wore a trench coat & trilby / newspaper with eyeholes / answered every question
I am a liar / what do you do / where is the bathroom / how did you grow that moustache so fast /
everyone says I remind them of me / I’m an inspiration / such self-awareness in one so young

the worry / when mourners rent out my room / find me / 4pm on a Tuesday / carving my face on
bars of soap / homemade green screen held up with tape / fabricating Yelp reviews / eating Nutella
on toast in bed / reading Fifty Shades inside a false cover / The Vagina Monologues / or Ulysses