the opioid diaries

by Lydia Wei

snooze hit snooze again
wake up pull on some dirty clothes
run to the bathroom
prep a shot

cold shower
shrapnel digging into flesh

later dry hair
wringing out dregs of the banal

then abyssopelagic ecstasy
when i feel like that
i often feel what i feel

*

inventory:                70 mg valium
                        200 mg oxy
                                   two angel feathers
             60 mg klonopin
                         90 mg ambien
probably keep me together for another day
           hold me

*

O oxy oxy              my sphinx
            i will answer
                        your riddles
i will kiss your paws
           i will lick your sweat like
                                ground diamonds

O oxy oxy              my lovely
             chambermaid
wash me like linen sheets
                        run me under warm water
             hang me out in the smiling sun
                     to dry
soften me         use me up
                                 like a bar of soap

O oxy oxy               mother dearest
                          let me fall asleep
             in front of the tv
                          unfinished green beans in my lap
i’m not hungry tonight
             kiss me goodnight?
                                  tuck the blankets
                          under my chin

O oxy oxy                butylated
              hydroxytoluene                hypromellose
polyethylene           glycol   400 polyethylene oxide
              magnesium stearate
                                    titanium dioxide
hydroxypropyl cellulose            i love you

*

linoleum floor
linoleum floor linoleum floor linole

study closely the floor of
gas station bathroom

where i pulled up    scored some
prepping a shot

study closely the floor
patterns of how i hurt how i hurt h

*

this room filled with soft shadows
plush carpets
creaky floorboards
whispering curtains
             how many shots i’ve done
                                                     on this old bed?
                                                                                       never
                        enough